Seven Urban Love Legends: Separating Love Fiction From Love Fact

When it comes to dating and love relationships there are certain “love facts” that most everyone believes. But, surprisingly, if we look at the actual research about these “love facts” we may find that they are not facts at all. They are fictions, myths. This is key information for anyone who is interested in creating a great love relationship; separating love fiction from love fact makes you an informed “consumer” when it comes to your dating and love life.

Here are seven of these mythic urban love legends and what the research actually shows us to be true about them.

Myth

1. The divorce rate in the country is 50%

Fact: It’s never been 50%. It’s actually 41%. The odds are better than you think. And a college education decreases the likelihood of divorce. This is shown by more sophisticated research.

Myth

2. You have one soul mate and meeting that “One” is the key to finding love.

Fact: Research shows that love and marriage take hard work, including commitment, positive communication, and the ability to resolve fights. The best relationship advice I can give you is that you need to work on yourself and choose someone, a good friend with chemistry, who’s willing to grow with you. These are the keys to a happy marriage. Sorry, no fairy tale.

Myth

3. When you are married fighting is an unhealthy thing.

Fact: Couples who suppress their anger have a mortality rate that is twice as high as those in which one partner stands up for him/herself. Fighting with your spouse and then resolving differences is a healthy thing.

Myth

4. Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend gives you a better sense of who your partner is and will make for a stronger marriage down the road.

Fact: Couples who have not lived together before marriage have healthier and more successful marriages. They also have less conflict, less abuse and are less likely to get divorced than couples who live together before marriage. However, a more recent study shows that couples who have committed to be married and live together do have a 28% decreased risk of getting divorced.

Myth

5. On the online dating websites the majority of men are lying about themselves.

Fact: Independent research shows that the number is only about 20%. Common lies concern income, profession, age, marital status and weight.

Myth

6. It’s better to wait until you’re more mature and get married in your thirties rather than your twenties.

Fact: People who marry after their mid twenties just as likely to get divorced and surprisingly are much more likely to have a poor quality marriage than those who married earlier.

Myth

7. Choosing marriage means more stress and financial drain in your life.

Fact: Married people are healthier emotionally and physically and they have more wealth too. Study after study has shown that love relationships have a huge impact on our psychological, economic, and physical well-being. Having a life partner can create a higher sense of self-worth, provide intimacy and emotional support which fulfills the deepest human need for connection, and lead to greater wealth and economic stability. As a result, married people may be happier, live more satisfying lives, and have fewer psychological problems, including depression. Many researchers say that these factors lead to better physical health, greater health-seeking behavior, and lower rates of alcoholism. Here’s the big take-away: for over 100 years studies around the world have shown that married people live longer and enjoy a higher quality of life than those who aren’t partnered!

You can learn much more about urban legends and the latest research on love and dating in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Read more articles by: Dr. Diana Kirschner